Monday, April 11, 2011

Time Frame

"So, are you fully healed?"

This was a question that I have been asked a few times and I have replied with my stock answer of, "I don't know." It has almost been 9 months since my 'encounter' and this seemingly gestational cycle is giving way to a new me. This "unseen injury" is a journey in which I have no map. I am continuing to learn my limits along with new abilities.  No one has any answers as to how my healing will progress. This of course, frustrates the crap out of me and gives me levels of self consternation that surprises me.

I have come up with two analogies to best explain me and my brain.

1. To borrow from Star Trek, everyone around me is at Warp Factor 8 with their thinking, rationalizing and verbal skills. I seem to be at Warp Factor 1 and on bad days, I manage to be on impulse power.

2. My brain is rewiring itself. Not the exact same way as before, DIFFERENTLY. My thought processes are different, my interpretive skills are different and my emotion chip is different as well. 

Due to the above- I may appear to be physically the same person before the 'encounter', but I am not. I've had to come to an understanding with this Brain of mine. Healing will take as long as it takes and in whatever form it takes. This doesn't mean that I don't get frustrated. What can be so frustrating is remembering how my brain used to work and knowing that it does not function like that - now.

Day by day, step by step, easy does it.
Inhale Exhale and let it go.

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