Monday, February 14, 2011

Waiting for relief

I have sometimes questioned my sanity. I mean - I have my whole life. Emotions are powerful things and if you are a passionate person life can be intense. I have always felt like I was two sides to a coin- the strong, kick ass, warrior, explorer woman, who took no prisoners and the other - a gentle, poet reading, nice to babies, snuggly,warm, home body woman. Both parts inhabiting, cohabitating this body of mine.

That blasted day when I hit my head, everything changed. I was split in two and left to pick up the wreckage. I'm not sure what is left of my two sides. All the little nuances, all my little tricks to being quick in the morning, to getting everything done - had to be tossed out the window. All of 'those tricks,nuances' went with that 'other' model. The one 'before'.

So here I am. Questioning my sanity again. This time - it is a welcome dialogue because it is somewhat familiar. The pieces that I am salvaging, I am mending together with the help of my lifesavers...which would be my family. My precious girls - their smiles keep me going when the pain rings the hardest within my skull. They are the sweet breath to my soul that calms me when I want to scream the loudest. My husband is my anchor as I struggle through this sea of change holding on to my life raft. This effects and affects all of us, is what he keeps telling me.

So I will leave off for now and follow the advice of my old man who said,
"When things seem tough or when you're not sure what to do - go to sleep- take a nap. Things always look better after some sleep."

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